shouldn’t i be freaked out?

I’m sure this feeling won’t last for too long, but right now, I am actually relieved to be dealing with our infertility. Everyone knows all the statistics, 85% of couples who have been trying as long as we have managed to get pregnant. We’re young (we’re both 28), we’re healthy. We shouldn’t have any problems. But I’m not surprised that we are.

I had tried charting, but R was working some strange hours and heading out into the field before dawn a few days a week, so I was waking up different times each day and it wasn’t quite working. I bought a bunch of OPKs, but could never get a result on them when I thought I should be (but again, my cycle was never a consistent length).

There’s been a few months that I was late enough to warrant a test, but I slowly realized that I was never actually expecting it to be positive. That’s not to say it didn’t suck each month when it didn’t work, but I had never had that gut feeling, that women’s intuition, that I was pregnant.

But now, now that we’re getting some help, all I feel is relief. It’s ok that I sucked at charting and OPKs. And maybe it’s even ok that I never had those warm fuzzy optimistic feelings. Because we’re not one of those 90% of couples that can get pregnant on their own, and I don’t think anything I could have done would change that. But I don’t doubt that we are going to be parents eventually, even if I can’t get pregnant.


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