a little bit of this and that

there’s not much really going on – work, spend time with R and puppy, do injection, sleep & repeat – but i know myself well enough to know that if i stop writing, i won’t start again.  so please forgive the lack of excitement and the ramblings….

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a friend at work asked me how everything was going the other day, and i busted out my fancy new bruise to show her.  her absolutely perfect response: “i hope you took a photo of that thing for the baby book!”  and then we joked a bit about the first time this kid refuses to clean their room, i will be able to whip out the mother of all guilt trips – “do you know what we went through just to bring you into this world?!?”

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my bff called last week.  i love her to death, but i didn’t want to pick up the phone.  i just knew what she was going to say, and i wasn’t wrong.  she’s due in may.  the conversation was just a blur.  i don’t think i asked the “right” questions when she told me, although i was truthfully happy for her.  and i didn’t break down, not even when i hung up the phone, and i am really proud of myself for that.  but i feel so numb.  i went and picked up a card the other day to send her, and made a point of calling to see how she is feeling, but my heart’s not in it, you know what i mean?  she had only been off birth control a few months, the same as with her awesome little boy.  i just wish it could be that fucking easy.

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one of the things i am really looking forward to when we get pregnant is coming out of the IF closet, which is kind of funny since i can’t seem to really keep my mouth shut about it.  it seems like every few days i add a name to the list of people who know.  but i seriously cannot wait to become a vocal advocate for the community.  i just wish i could do it now, but i want to deal with our news – whether positive or negative – on our own first before we share it with the world.

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so far, no major side effects from the lupron.  i’ve been waking up for a little bit randomly around 3 or 4, but that’s the only thing out of the ordinary.  i have been having nightmares about the meds though: having trouble getting through security at the airport on wednesday night.  just keeping my fingers crossed that it goes as smoothly as it is supposed to.

do i need to even mention my excitement at shooting up in the in-laws car when they pick us up from the airport?  whipping everything out at the airport bathroom just seemed a bit too sketchy for me.

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