there’s not much really going on – work, spend time with R and puppy, do injection, sleep & repeat – but i know myself well enough to know that if i stop writing, i won’t start again. so please forgive the lack of excitement and the ramblings….
a friend at work asked me how everything was going the other day, and i busted out my fancy new bruise to show her. her absolutely perfect response: “i hope you took a photo of that thing for the baby book!” and then we joked a bit about the first time this kid refuses to clean their room, i will be able to whip out the mother of all guilt trips – “do you know what we went through just to bring you into this world?!?”
my bff called last week. i love her to death, but i didn’t want to pick up the phone. i just knew what she was going to say, and i wasn’t wrong. she’s due in may. the conversation was just a blur. i don’t think i asked the “right” questions when she told me, although i was truthfully happy for her. and i didn’t break down, not even when i hung up the phone, and i am really proud of myself for that. but i feel so numb. i went and picked up a card the other day to send her, and made a point of calling to see how she is feeling, but my heart’s not in it, you know what i mean? she had only been off birth control a few months, the same as with her awesome little boy. i just wish it could be that fucking easy.
one of the things i am really looking forward to when we get pregnant is coming out of the IF closet, which is kind of funny since i can’t seem to really keep my mouth shut about it. it seems like every few days i add a name to the list of people who know. but i seriously cannot wait to become a vocal advocate for the community. i just wish i could do it now, but i want to deal with our news – whether positive or negative – on our own first before we share it with the world.
so far, no major side effects from the lupron. i’ve been waking up for a little bit randomly around 3 or 4, but that’s the only thing out of the ordinary. i have been having nightmares about the meds though: having trouble getting through security at the airport on wednesday night. just keeping my fingers crossed that it goes as smoothly as it is supposed to.
do i need to even mention my excitement at shooting up in the in-laws car when they pick us up from the airport? whipping everything out at the airport bathroom just seemed a bit too sketchy for me.