ER in t-minus 17 hours

so, yeah…

CD Date e2 Menopur Notes
-1 12/19 R: AFC 10, endo 26
L: AFC 7, endo 23 & 9
1 12/10 4 vials
2 12/11 4 vials
3 12/12 82 4 5 vials R:6.5, 7, 7, 7, 7.5, 8.5, 8.5
L:6, 6.5, 7, 8, 8, 8.5
4 12/13 5 vials
5 12/14 478 5 vials R: 8, 8.5, 9, 9, 9.5, 11
L: 8, 8.5, 9.5, 10, 10, 11.5
6 12/15 5 vials
7 12/16 1300 5 vials R: 9.5, 10.5, 10.5, 11.5, 11.5, 11.5, 12.5
L: 8, 8.5, 8.5, 9, 11.5, 12.5
8 12/17 2127 5 vials R: 10, 10.5, 12, 12.5, 12.5, 12.5, 13, 13, 16
L: 7.5, 9, 9, 10, 10.5, 11, 12, 12.5, 13, 16
US done by Hina
9 12/18 5 vials
10 12/19 6295 R: 7, 8, 14.5, 15.5, 16.5, 18
L: 9, 10, 10.5, 11, 14.5, 14.5, 16, 16.5, 19.5, 19.5
5 units of Lupron, trigger shot at 10 pm, begin doxycycline & medrol twice daily
11 12/20 doxycycline & medrol twice daily

i have so many thoughts running through my head right now, i don’t even know where to start. so, in no particular order:

  1. i’m no expert, but it seems like Hina was able to find another 5 follicles 10+ that Dr. Derman did not. or are the gone? i’m freaking out over that shrinking list though.
  2. he wants 18+ follicles for retreival. three are big enough. i know a few more can still catch up, but…
  3. he made some comment about the big ones being a bit too big compared to their little friends.
  4. and then, threw over his shoulder as he was walking out the door “we should be able to get 5 or 6.” what happened to the 12-20 he was anticipating at the beginning of the cycle?
  5. fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. 5 or 6?!?!?!
  6. so what’s a realistic estimate for fertilization with icsi? 50%?
  7. and of those 50% (2 or 3) that fertilize, how many will make it to a day 3 transfer? another 50%?
  8. i may be doing my math all wrong, but those numbers aren’t very encouraging. will we even have two to transfer?
  9. and any left to freeze?
  10. and the more i interact with him, the more i come to dislike Dr. Derman. but i think that deserves a rant all its own.
  11. oh, and a friend’s daughter who is in nursing school helped with my trigger shot. my instructions from the doc included “inject into your buttocks” and a tiny, crappy diagram with a circle essentially covering each cheek. so i found a decent video online that was more specific. only i don’t think she did it right. shouldn’t an IM injection hurt? it was less painful that the tiny lupron injections. i’m afraid it was all just love handle pudge and no muscle.

i just don’t know what to think. all my hope and optimism has completely disappeared. on one hand, maybe that’s not so bad. low expectations are hard to miss. but right now i’m feeling the most depressed and pessimistic that i have over the past year and half of trying on own, getting tested, and going through this ivf cycle. i’ve cried more in the past 24 hours than in all that time combined.

i don’t think i ever really expected to get pregnant off of this ivf cycle, but there was always that hope that we would have tons of eggs to freeze and would be able to try fet first, which sounds sooo much less invasive.

i just don’t know anymore…

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