and i thought my emotions were all over the place before

so this is kind of weird.  i always imagined that when everything finally worked i would feel…different.  you know those chicks that say they could just tell the instant they got knocked up?  i figured after all this time paying such close attention to my body, i would just know.

but i don’t feel much different than i did just a few days ago.  and honestly, i’m not sure how i feel.  i’ve actually forgotten a couple of times.  and sometimes i am just so damn happy, but then there’s that little voice reminding me that there are still hoops to jump through before this becomes our take home baby.  as much as i love this community and all that it’s taught me, that support comes with the knowledge of everything that can go wrong.

but for now, i’m trying to stick with so damn happy.  if nothing else, we are pregnant today.  all along, my greatest fear was that no matter how great our embryos got, they just wouldn’t stick.  but at least one did.  so happy works.

——

after dinner friday night, R asked when we were going to tell our parents.  i told him that I wanted to wait to tell my mom and brother until we had a few more betas under our belt.  but he was so cute, so excited, that we called his folks.  and he had fun with it: “so we have really good news, J got tenure!  oh, and we’re pregnant too.”  we explained that we were going to wait a little bit (maybe a week or two) until we told the rest of the parents/siblings, so they are keeping it under wraps.

R’s parents moved down to georgia a few years ago, in large part because they already had a grandson down there they weren’t getting to see much of, and they wanted to be more involved when grandson number two arrived on the scene.  it was really nice when his mom made a comment about looking for a summer place in jersey, even if it wasn’t quite serious.  they are planning to come visit in june, and i am really excited for their company now.

——

waiting and working for this moment for two years has given us lots of time to think things out.  we actually already have both a boys name and a girls name picked out.  both are family names, and every time another cousin or something announced a pregnancy, we were so scared that they would get used.  that we wouldn’t be soon enough.  it feels weird though, to have only known about this baby for 48 hours, and to already know who they are going to be.

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3 thoughts on “and i thought my emotions were all over the place before

  1. Ah, that mixture of joy and fear. I hope the joy stays, but it is hard to get too carried away on a wave of happiness when you know what can happen. I hope you get a good few betas to ease your mind!

  2. First, I’ll admit that I’m happy to hear this for a completely selfish reason — my beta is tomorrow, and I feel exactly the same as I have the whole time I have since the transfer..
    Second, I’ll say that I’m not happy to hear that you have all this anxiety! I know it must be hard, but I hope the joy of it WORKING takes over your brain after the great beta you’ll have tomorrow.

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