holy crap. this having a baby thing is…wow. i cant believe it’s been six weeks already. i keep trying to find the time to write something, anything, but that hasn’t worked out too well. someone wants to eat or needs a new diaper or just wants to be held, and i get distracted. so if you don’t mind, i’m just going to get out as much as i can, as quick as i can:
- i miss work. not so much actually teaching (or the random political and bureaucratic crap that comes with it), but going to work. i miss being able to turn my brain off for a few minutes. i really miss my coworkers. the majority of my friends work in my building, and it’s hard to see them (or even talk to them). i assumed this going into maternity leave, i mean none of us actually have time to do stuff or have a life during the school year anyways. but i miss lunch, and waiting for meetings to start, and bullshitting during hall duty.
- not that i’d have anything to talk about if i could find time to talk to people. i feel really boring. no one really wants to hear about poopslosions or getting peed on. really, they don’t jenny. for the love of god, quick talking about it.
- all in all though, i am amazingly surprised at how well i’m doing. i went into this totally prepared for some major postpartum depression, but so far, so good. not that there haven’t been days that suck, where i ask ralph if he can leave work early and throw a baby in his arms as soon as he walks in the door. but the majority of them are ok. i am sooooooo thankful for awesome friends who don’t sugarcoat this parenting gig. their honesty helped me to set realistic expectations, and i am actually able to meet some of them. i’ve been trying to get out of the house a few times a week, and i think that’s helped a lot. it can take hours to get ourselves cleaned, dressed, and to target, so it feels really productive when we do. but most of days consist of an endless eat, sleep, poop cycle, with lots of cuddling on the couch watching doctor who.
- most days, i am feeling pretty good (physically). my midwife says i’ve healed nicely, and i can go days now without moving funny and making something hurt. i caved and just went to buy some larger pants. i lost most of the baby weight, but the ivf pudge seems to be sticking around. so screw it. i’m not going to stress about it. i could use some new clothes anyway.
- i’ve emailed resolve about starting a local support group chapter. i guess there used to be one in princeton a few years ago, but when i called about it when i was looking for a group, the woman who ran it said it was no longer active. the only other options i could find were about an hour drive from here, which i found really surprising. i’ve been struggling lately with…my identify i guess? i’m not sure how to describe it, and really want to take a whole post to talk about it. but right now, i feel like a need to do something more to connect to this community. once an infertile, always in infertile. but pregnancy, and now parenting changes things. i feel….lost….not being in treatment. i think that’s part of the reason i stopped posting during the pregnancy. and it will be a while before we’re back in treatment. i really think facilitating a group would help me to stay connected to both a part of myself, and to this corner of the world that i have come to value so, so much.
ok, that’s as far as i got, typing one handed, before pignut woke up. so before i go, how about a few photos: