sorry for the lack of substantial posts. this parenting gig is hard work, yo. and i have been working really, really hard on a series of posts (coming in just two days!)
to bug you with share with you for national infertility awareness week.
in the meantime, i feel like we are finally slowly emerging from survival mode. naps are kind of improving. pignut is possibly deciding he doesn’t need to eat every other hour all day long. i won’t go as far as to say that we have a schedule yet, but we’re getting there i think. i am managing to get clothes and bottles cleaned on a regular basis. there’s been a few nights every now and then that we have had an actual dinner. we’re finally getting the hang of this stuff.
i’ve totally become one of those people that i used to have to hide on facebook. all i do is post about my kid or infertility. i like to think that the infertility stuff helps to balance it out. or maybe i’m just telling myself that. another perk of going back to work soon – non-puke or poop related stuff to talk about.
speaking of work, just a week left of maternity leave. i am really, really excited about going back to work. we went to visit school yesterday to show off the kid and go to a nj ask training. i’ve missed it. my coworkers. my kids. the endless drama and crap. all of it. i am not one of those women who can handle being a stay at home mom. i need a structure to my days, and suck and imposing that on myself. it’s like the end of summer vacation. i feel so isolated. i’ve felt….lost…lately. in limbo.
i’ll be almost guaranteed to shower and eat lunch every day. to be able to just turn off my brain for a few minutes during
meetings my prep. to be able to pee whenever i need to. oh, wait, i’m a teacher, forget about that last one.
that doesn’t mean that i’m not sad about leaving pignut during the day. but i think it helps a ton that Ralph will be taking paternity leave until the school year is over. i can’t wait for them to be able to bond like we have. to garden and go for walks and brew beer. to just sit there and giggle at each other. for Ralph to see that it’s not a vacation 🙂
we’ve started researching day care these past few weeks. i knew it was going to be expensive, but holy hell man. we went to an open house we really liked last night, but we want to make sure there isn’t anything as nice with a bit smaller price tag before we sign on the line. this program only takes 6 infants, which i really like. it’s not just a huge room full of cribs. they have chickens and bunnies outside. once he gets old enough for the more academic parts of the school, they have a program that would have been really good for Ralph or me when we were kids, in different ways. we were both really comfortable with the idea of him spending his days there.
in addition to looking up day care centers and writing a crap ton for niaw, i’ve been planning our trip south this summer. Ralph’s paternity leave overlaps with my summer vacation by two weeks, so we’re heading to see his family in the south, and taking a few days to go to new orleans like we’ve wanted to do for years. i am insanely excited. swimming in the lake with our nephews for a week, and then stuffing my face non-stop. some of my favorite things.
pignut took his first road trips this past month. we went way, way north to see my family for easter. he was great in the car, sleeping almost the entire 6 hour drive, with a pit stop conveniently timed for a surprise visit at his great-grandma’s house. while we were at my mom’s, pignut was able to his great-grandfather and an aunt and uncle. hopefully some more people will be able to meet him when we go back for a wedding next month.
last weekend, we went to visit Ralph’s family and some friends and their twin girls. it was such a nice feeling that almost all of his mom’s family was able to make it for brunch to meet the little boy (and the only people who couldn’t make it live further away than we do, so totally understandable). i teared up a couple of times, listening to aunts and cousins tell pignut how happy they were that we were finally parents. i felt so loved, and so completely accepted, even if we didn’t build our family the old-fashioned way. it’s so nice to have family just as comfortable talking about infertility as we are. grandma even commented at one point, talking about a friend’s baby born while we were in treatments, that it must have been really hard for us. it’s not the first time she’s said something like that, and it never fails to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
i’ve pretty much had to buy a new wardrobe for work. my clothes were already getting tight when we were starting treatment, but i couldn’t justify spending money on new clothes when we would (hopefully) be pregnant soon. so i decided not to worry about those last few pounds hanging around, and realized that my chest, which i have always despised, has no intention of going back down to my pre-pregnancy size. cue a whole bunch of online shopping, because pignut is not a huge fan of waiting for me to try on new clothes.
i’m slowly getting over my anxiety of taking pignut into situations that we can’t just walk out of if he’s having a meltdown. which is really unfounded, he rarely freaks out in public. we’ve never had to leave anywhere, including half a dozen meal out. he was amazing yesterday considering we spent four hours at my school, a long car ride, and then out to the day care open house for two hours.