sometimes it bugs me a little bit that ralph tends to not make as big of a deal about holidays as i do. but, to be honest, i am glad that he didn’t make a huge deal out of mother’s day. it felt very strange to be here, parenting after infertility, on a day that always emphasized what was missing in our lives. as grateful as i am to be able to celebrate this year, i was also pretty uncomfortable with it all. i couldn’t help but think of all the wonderful women i know that wouldn’t be celebrated the way they wanted to this year. and i felt…guilty?…that after everything we’ve been through to know really want to celebrate it ourselves.
ralph and i were talking about it last night while we were laying in bed before falling asleep, and he made a very good point: there are not too many holidays that our culture celebrates where there is a significant portion of our society who wants to be a part of the holiday, but can’t for reasons not of their choosing or outside their control. i think that’s really my problem with it all. the bloggess had a great post pointing out the long list of women who also deserve to be celebrated: infertile women, childless by choice women, women who can’t chose to have child given their circumstances in life, women who have lost children, birthmothers, women who have lost their own mothers or have difficult relationships with them. women who all deserve to be celebrated, but will be marginalized.
so i’m ok with just getting a card from my boys, and just holding by sweet baby during his afternoon nap rather than letting him sleep in his nursery. i don’t need jewelry, or flowers, or a fancy meal out. just a few minutes with my family to think of just how damn lucky we are. not that we can ever forget.
i have more on my mind, but it’s going to go up in a password protected post. email for the top secret code word.