yeah, i’m still alive

sorry for the radio silence.  all is still well.  i had my 7 week ultrasound, and while i don’t remember the tiny details anymore, everything looked great.  and i graduated!  i wasn’t ready for that one, and started blubbering like an idiot, thanking everyone.  i see a nurse and a midwife at my new clinic on monday for my initial patient appointment.  just waiting until then i guess.

and in no particular order, a smattering of random thoughts from the past two or so weeks…

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6 week ultrasound & the longest three days of my life

sorry for the delay in updating, but it’s been a crazy week.  we went in tuesday morning to see pignut again, and we weren’t disappointed.  we saw the fetal pole and the heartbeat!  R had a hard time making it out on the small screen facing me, so he went around to check out the high def version, the lucky guy.

and then wednesday, i was up in the middle of the night to chaperone 225 eighth graders in washington, dc for three days.  it was completely exhausting (i think i got 10 hours sleep total while i was gone), and a complete clusterfuck (for example, a kid found an empty fifth of brandy between two of the bus seats), but i had a bus full of pretty awesome kids, and chaperoned with some really cool people, including my bff.  it was really nice getting to know the kids better, although i wish it had happened more than three weeks before they graduate from the middle school.

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beta 3…

is “almost 900.”  Dr. Y called just as the kids were coming in for class, so I didn’t get to ask for a more specific number, but that’s good enough for me.  looks like a doubling time of around 35-ish hours (if my estimations/math is right).  and can someone please please please fix beta base.

our first ultrasound will be next wednesday morning, at 5 weeks 5 days.  i’m trying not to get too excited, since i know it is early and we might not be able to see much.

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and i thought my emotions were all over the place before

so this is kind of weird.  i always imagined that when everything finally worked i would feel…different.  you know those chicks that say they could just tell the instant they got knocked up?  i figured after all this time paying such close attention to my body, i would just know.

but i don’t feel much different than i did just a few days ago.  and honestly, i’m not sure how i feel.  i’ve actually forgotten a couple of times.  and sometimes i am just so damn happy, but then there’s that little voice reminding me that there are still hoops to jump through before this becomes our take home baby.  as much as i love this community and all that it’s taught me, that support comes with the knowledge of everything that can go wrong.

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