i think it’s finally real

i was surprised when pignut was born that it just didn’t feel real.  i kept waiting for that moment when it would all sink in , and i would stop waiting for someone to show up and take him back.

i thought it would be the first time i held him. but it still felt link a dream.

maybe when we came home for the first time?  no, still weird.

the first smile? nope.

it was today, when i emailed the ivf nurse coordinator with the details of his birth so they can include it in their statistics they report.

i think it may have finally sunk in.

what a difference a year makes

infertility sucks, and IVF wasn’t a walk in the park either. but I do love that going through it makes me able to tell my little guy that I have loved him from the first moment I saw him…

love at first sight: april 18, 2012

when he was just a ball of eight cells, a year ago today.

it’s a baby panda!

Mei Xiang (image by The Brit_2)

my hormones have been going crazy lately, so it really shouldn’t have surprised me when i burst into tears this morning.  the catalyst that set me off?  Mei Xiang had a baby!  panda’s only ovulate once a year, and scientists at the zoo weren’t even sure that she was pregnant again, since panda’s commonly have “pseudopregnancies” and act like they have conceived even if they haven’t.  there was no way for them to know expect just wait to see if there was a baby or not.  but this time there was!

i first learned about Mei Xiang’s struggles with secondary infertility last year when i read a post mel had written about discussions to possibly replace her with a more fertile panda at the zoo.  it was just before i chaperoned the 8th grade trip to DC, and honestly, it bummed me out so much that i skipped the panda exhibit when we stopped at the zoo.  even though i knew at that point that we were pregnant, i just felt so bad for that poor panda.

and so this morning, i cried, i was so happy to read the news.  which just reinforced to R that i have turned into a crazy lady 🙂

more needless worrying

i know this will be hard to believe, but i had been freaking out over taking my meds through security for our flight to the in-laws.  i had made sure to bring my original packaging with the prescription on in, a doctor’s note, and some printouts from the tsa website saying i was allowed to bring my liquid meds, syringes, and ice pack.  i then made sure that i told every single security agent we interacted with what i was carrying.  they directed us through the line for families (oh irony) and we were able to bypass the enormous line that almost everyone else was waiting in.  we made it from the entrance to the airport, through security, and into the airport bar in under 30 minutes.  i guess there’s another perk to all this crap we’re dealing with.  R commented that we should try to bring needles and drugs with us each time we fly!

a little bit of this and that

there’s not much really going on – work, spend time with R and puppy, do injection, sleep & repeat – but i know myself well enough to know that if i stop writing, i won’t start again.  so please forgive the lack of excitement and the ramblings….

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a friend at work asked me how everything was going the other day, and i busted out my fancy new bruise to show her.  her absolutely perfect response: “i hope you took a photo of that thing for the baby book!”  and then we joked a bit about the first time this kid refuses to clean their room, i will be able to whip out the mother of all guilt trips – “do you know what we went through just to bring you into this world?!?”

silver lining

it’s been hard to find many positives in all of this, but there is a big one we have been celebrating…i am a total rock star at giving myself shots! three days and three perfect sticks!

still just killing time

i had a voicemail from the doctor’s office that they were reviewing my file and wanted to run another test before we start the cycle.

wtf? commence mini freak out.

so i call, and it’s no big deal. since the motility numbers were under 15% (they were 11%) they want us to freeze a sample before hand just in case. no big deal. but i guess it will be OOP, at a little over $200. and i was able to get some more info on the OOP costs for embryo freezing, which will be $900 for a year, and due 12/5. merry christmas to us!

weekend getaway

for only being away four days, i am awfully excited to be back home. R and i went up to southern vermont and the capital region of new york. we didn’t do anything for our anniversary this summer because of my trip to texas, so we took advantage of the long weekend for the teachers’ convention. we didn’t have any real destination in mind, so we pulled up the vermont brewery associations map and picked towns that had good beer, good cheese, and cheap-ish bed and breakfasts. it was nice to just get away from it all and not worry about anything baby related except remembering to take my BCPs. but at the same, i couldn’t help thinking that these would be my last flights of beer samples for (hopefully) 9-ish month.

it’s a good thing he’s cute

me: don’t forget you have to have some blood drawn tomorrow
R: this is totally unfair
me: you’re not allowed to whine. i’m the one having the doctor digging around in my vagina tomorrow and who’s going to get stuck with needles on a regular basis
R: it’s not natural though
me: honey, there’s not too much natural about this anymore
R: but you’re made for pain. cavemen on the savanah don’t have to give blood, but cavewomen still have to give birth

sometimes this sucks

i like to think that i’m not quite that bitter yet.  but three four pregnancy announcements and two new grandparent announcements (complete with photos) in the past week are testing my resolve.  each one hurt a little bit, but i kind of lost it this evening when i realized that not only would we be spending thanksgiving with my two adorable nephews, but also with r’s cousin.  who is also adorable.  but who just announced her new pregnancy.  which makes kid number three.  and the youngest is just over a year old right now.  i wonder where i’ll be in my meds by then.  must remember to ask the doc about alcohol….